I took a notepad and pen
And ate a whole Spanish onion raw
So that she wouldn't get too close.

I noted down the individual wrinkles
Of pain in her cheeks, furrowed like
A freshly ploughed field,

And scribbled down the exact
Pattern of the splash created
As the snot from her nose

Splattered across her Cosmo.
Oh for a polaroid! It'd show
Her misery in full colour.

Of course, I also noted down
The exact time and location
That she uncovered the remains,

And for a while, at least,
I was puzzled by the speed
At which she spat and flowed.

I couldn't make out any of the 
Second half of her sworn
Statement, so I jazzed up the words.

In the courtyard, I had chance
To examine the deceased
In its full gory glory.

The dripping, which I thought,
Was way too melodramatic,
Turned out to be just snake oil.

The rest was left to forensics,
Who raped the scene like a
Pack of entitled politicians,

Hungry for scandal.
Eager for their meal of
Clues to evident shame,

They ripped it to shreds,
Laid their baited traps
Then waited for the fireworks.

Agatha Christie, English author of mystery novels, was born on this day in 1890.

George Watsky, American hip-hop artist, poet and author, was born on this day in 1986.